HOW TO BREAK THOUGHT LOOPS Posted on October 14, 2020December 3, 2025 by bonmente It’s a perfectly normal day. You’re driving to work or to dropping the kids at school, maybe even going to the gym. Nothing is particularly bothersome. And then your brain, being the busy body that it is, decides to plant a seed. Something like, “what if the brakes failed right now?” Or perhaps something less catastrophic and more critical like, “why am I such a loser that I can’t even be on time?” Maybe it just sends up a flare that ignites the “oh gosh, I have a deadline in 3 days” worry. Once it grabs your attention, that negative thought takes hold of your whole thought process, maybe even changes your whole mood. It can trigger anxiety, affect sleep, impact relationships, and sap your productivity. It’s a ride no one wants to be on. So, how do you break the cycle? “Understanding why you get stuck in these loops is the first step to getting out of them,” said Mottsin Thomas, a psychiatrist at bonmente. “Thought loops are your brain’s way of trying to get to an egosyntonic state, meaning your mind is trying to confirm deep-seated beliefs, fears, or insecurities that you have — even if they’re unfounded.” Understanding why you get stuck in these loops is the first step to getting out of them. By giving the intrusive thought attention, you are trying to work through it. But that’s the trap. What you really do is solidify the loop. Here are some tips for breaking the loop. 1. Come back to the present. When your mind takes off on its own imaginary journey, reign it in by deliberately focusing on the moment. Notice the sounds around you. Take in any smells. Look closely at the license plate ahead. Is there wind? How would you describe the shirt you are wearing right now? Put your attention anywhere else, and the most readily available, innocuous place is typically the minute you’re in. 2. Be curious about the thought. When an intrusive thought loop hijacks your focus, the natural inclination is to provide a counter to the unwanted suggestion, or a strategy to manage it, even if it is unlikely or untrue. Say you’re getting ready for a social outing and you brain sneaks in with, “I bet you’re going to say something stupid to embarrass yourself.” Your next thought will most likely be about some strategy to avoid embarrassing yourself. If you want to avoid the thought loop, make the next thing you ponder the thought itself. Is the thought serving you? Is it harming you? What’s the purpose of the thought? Is it true? Absolutely true? Who would you be without the thought? How would you feel without the thought? 3. Prepare for the next one. According to a study published in the journal Science, nearly half of our waking lives are spent thinking about something other than what we’re doing. Every time our mind wanders, it gives intrusive negative thoughts an opportunity. Expect it to happen again and again, and make a plan to deal with it when it does. Refine your approach as you learn what works for you and what doesn’t. If thought loops are out of your control, remember there is help. The best way to break intrusive thought loops is through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which teaches you to identify core beliefs that trigger these types of automatic thoughts. By challenging those core beliefs with professional guidance, you learn to manage the intrusiveness and decrease the distress the thoughts cause. bonmente can help you break the cycle of negative thought loops and keep anxiety from spiraling. Schedule an appointment with our mental health providers today.
FINDING BALANCE WITH BOUNDARIES Posted on September 22, 2020June 4, 2025 by bonmente Working from home seemed like such a gift in the spring. Tossing in loads of laundry throughout the day and taking breaks to have lunch with the kids or walk the dog were welcome escapes from the computer grind. But did having your computer at the kitchen table or in your bed make work a bigger part of your life than you intended? Are you taking calls at 8pm and checking emails one last time before you go to sleep? You got addicted. Lots of us did. Finding work-life balance was hard enough when you had hours during which you were physically removed from the office. Now that it’s all under one roof, that balance is totally out of whack. So, how do you get back in balance? Set Boundaries. “Setting boundaries may feel like you’re being insubordinate, but boundaries are as important in work relationships as in personal ones,” said Mottsin Thomas, MD, a psychiatrist at bonmente. “Boundaries take the burden of saying no off of you. By establishing a limit, you teach you colleagues how to treat you and what they can expect from you. You also make yourself and your health a priority, which will likely improve your performance in the long run.” Work can be a subtle creep on your mental health, but it can have dramatic consequences. In an effort to unwind, you may find you’re drinking too much or too often. Poor sleep can negatively affect your mood as much as your productivity. And that unrelenting stress, well, that can lead to anxiety and depression and cause relationships to suffer. Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be difficult. It simply requires some self reflection and some self respect. Here are some tips to help you get back into balance. 1. Rank your priorities. It helps to know where to draw the line if you know what your line is. For instance, if a Wednesday night pizza party with your family is the thing that brings you joy each week, don’t let a Friday project deadline steal it from you. If a morning workout is what keeps you sane, RSVP “Unable to Attend” to that 7:30am Zoom meeting. Think about your life and what is most important to you. Figure out where work is on that hierarchy. Knowing what your priorities are will help you draw the boundaries for your life. 2. Create structure. Creating structure in your day will help you better manage your time and be able to accomplish all that you need to accomplish. If you have a meeting, designate a time frame for it, make an agenda, and stick to it. If you notice a lot of your productivity is interrupted by instant messages or texts, consider scheduling a weekly or daily “check-in” with the source of the distraction. By formalizing a meeting, you’ll bring structure to your interactions as opposed to responding to whims. If you’re working from home, create a structure to limit your hours. Work those hours and then “clock out” — don’t check or reply to emails or texts and resist the urge to work on projects. 3. Say “No.” You don’t want to risk opportunities for growth, or your job, by saying no to everything, but boundary setting means saying no sometimes. If a work task tries to hijack a life priority, say no. Give yourself permission to say no, and allow a compromise to evolve out of it. Say “no” strategically. For instance, if you’re taking on too much because of guilt or a sense of obligation, talk to your employer about how assuming responsibility for this latest thing could be detrimental to the projects you’re already working on. Make suggestions for other ways it could be done that don’t make it your exclusive burden. Say “no” at home too. If you don’t want to do something — a play date, watching your grandkids, helping your friend fix his car — say “no.” It’s not a dirty word and you’re not rude if you say it. 4. Unplug. Unplug all the things that beckon you to work or blur the line between work and life. If television during your work time is affecting your productivity, unplug it. If your cell phone in the evening is interfering with dinner with your family, turn it off. Turning off notifications — all the subtle bells, dings, and whooshes that our devices whisper to seduce us back to them — will ultimately feel like taking off a leash. Don’t worry, the text will be there when you pick up your phone again, as will the Instagram stories and Twitter insults and the news headlines and the funny videos of that screaming bird. Shifting your focus from technology to the world around you, efforts known as “digital detox” or “dopamine fasting,” is suspected to have positive effects on anxiety, mood, and overall happiness. If you’re working from home, unplug on the weekends and allow yourself to decompress. Boundaries show you care about yourself… and your performance. “No one is creative when they’re exhausted, no one is efficient when they’re feeling pressured, no one comes up with clever solutions when they’re distracted by a million other things,” said Dr. Thomas, who said work-life balance is a prominent issue for many of his patients. “Boundaries show you care about yourself, and by caring about yourself, you’re actually showing that you care about your performance and your career.” bonmente can help you discover the value of boundaries and how to get life back in balance. Schedule an appointment with our mental health providers today.
